I can choose!

Things have been so hard for such a long time...

Becoming aware that I am the one that allows it all to seem so very hard ... I am the one who

CHOOSES :

... chooses to let things (situations, people, etc) "decide" how I respond to things (situations, people, etc)

... chooses to be defeatist when things are hard and the solution isn't easy

... chooses to be unhappy

... chooses to "dwell" on all that "hasn't worked out/gone wrong/" instead of acknowledging that something/someone was the wrong choice and move on with a lesson learned hopefully

... chooses to live in the dark and not the light

... and on and on and on

contemplating on this today...

hopefully taking a bit of action to ...

CHOOSE otherwise

no cobbler but a weekend night walk

The mulberry cobbler did not get made over the weekend but we did take a wonderful nighttime walk around the beautiful campus grounds of Central College here in our little town. This is a favorite walk of mine as the campus is so pretty in all seasons and so peaceful ... even when in full session. The last picture is of Jordan Hall and every time I pass it I long to go back to school and sit in one of it's classrooms.

Wildflowers

Wildflowers from our neighborhood :)

We also picked some mulberries which I'll use to make a cobbler this weekend.

black and white and grey and success and failure

"... yet i've realized i view my days as either "succcess" or "failure". black or white. there's kindness in grey."

sarah over at habit posted this quote along with her beautiful picture.

There is a lifetime of wisdom in those words.

Wisdom that I would do well to "think on" today and each and every day.

the dark of night

I hate nighttime...

the darkness seeps into everything....

The summer of ... and better late than never

Every summer we seem to have a marathon watching of a tv show. In the past we have had the Summer of:

Northern Exposure
Gilmore Girls
Monk

This summer it is the Summer of Mad Men.

Yes we are late to the party but as my mom always said, "Better late than never!"

Happy Birthday Mom!

Even after all these years the hurt of missing you is sometimes more than I can bear.

Hope you're having a big blowout up there in heaven and smiling and looking down and watching over all of us.

moms, teenage boys and Zits comic

Raising a teenage boy can be hard on a mom sometimes.

At least in comic form I can laugh about it all.

And pretend to have just a bit of sanity left.

Thank you Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman!

the perfect title header

it's been almost two years.... wow...

what happened in between...

a move from Vegas to small town Pella, Ia ... two very different worlds... after 9 months of being here I am still trying to adjust...

adjust to ... nothing being close by and I do mean nothing... no Starbucks, no Barnes & Noble, no Target, no Michael's, no Joann's, no Trader Joe's, no Wholefoods, no Manhattan Pizza, etc etc etc ... what constituted my world in Vegas now takes an hour drive to Des Moines for most of it and some of it has been left behind entirely

adjust to ... having only one of my children with me ... I miss the other three so so much and don't think this is something I will ever adjust to

adjust to ... the weather ... this is a very happy adjustment that really there was no adjusting to ... I had so missed the seasons while living in Vegas that I am reveling in all the differentness each season brings

adjust to ... my youngest being back in school part time at least as he is duel enrolled at the public high school and homeschooling too ... a very good adjustment as he loved his year at school and is looking forward to his senior year there next year .. but a hard adjustment too as homeschooling is just not the same anymore ... it is not something he really wants to be doing so it has been a hard go for both of us

adjust to ... living in an apartment instead of a house ... my first time ever of this experience and I have to admit there is so much about it that is hard for me and so many things I miss about being in a house

adjust to ... having a bit of family nearby ... a good adjustment

and the list could go on and on.

I don't imagine anyone reads here anymore but that's ok. I found myself needing somewhere to talk and this just seemed the right place again for now.

my kind of day

today I spent the day in my Jammies ...

reading The Turn of the Screw by Henry James ...

because my 15 year old asked me to ...

he just finished reading it ...

for no particular reason, just because it sounded interesting, it's a ghost story, he bought it awhile ago and hadn't gotten around to reading it yet, take your pick ...

he wanted to discuss its ambiguousness ...

a very nice way to spend the day ...

yep ...

having "grown up" kids is good for this mom's heart.

what a beautiful mess

This is the mess that I woke up to this morning... and yes it was a beautiful mess and it made me smile. For you see, the mess was created last night with my oldest daughter. The daughter who I haven't seen very often since she moved into her own little apartment a month or so ago. She stopped by last night though and we talked as we always do which then led to us watching a couple of episodes of Julia Childs, The French Chef from the PBS website because of course we have been talking about Julie Powell and Julia Child and French cooking and France and blogs among so many other things.

A few months ago I had shared with her about Julie Powell's blog of her journey cooking Julia's recipes from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Then I read the book based on the blog and shared that too and I was so excited when I learned about the new movie coming out based on the book and also on Julia's book, My Life in France which I just finished reading. One day while shopping at Whole Foods, Kate, was given a coupon for two free tickets to a sneak preview of the movie and called and asked if I wanted to go with her. Uhmmm.... yes! We had such a nice time and both loved the movie.

And so it was natural for us to talk all things Julie and Julia last night and decide rather late that since neither of us had eaten supper, well, we would try our own version of Julia's omelets which we had just watched on the computer. Kate made the best beschmel (cheese sauce) for them and they turned out wonderful even if we didn't get the hang of the wrist flicking part (but hey Kate did a great job using the scramble with a fork method).

All this telling leads up to why this all made me smile this morning. Going through menopause right now, I am left at times with an empty feeling that no longer will I hold a little one in my arms or chase after a toddler. But I am still blessed. Blessed now in a different way but one as equally rewarding in having adult children. Children who I can share things like cooking Julia's omelets with and for that I am so grateful.

So thank you sweetie. Thank you for growing into such a beautiful young woman who I am proud to call my daughter and who I love spending time with always! And .... what are we cooking next? :)

Note: This picture is from a week or so ago when she finally received her diploma in the mail... her BA in English that she earned and walked for last May... the Magna Cum Laude BA she worked so hard for!

a book and a story

What better and more appropriate way for me to resume posting with something written about a book... about a story... for books and stories have been a part of my life, a part of what happened in between for, well, for always.

Every once in awhile, a book will, in reading, become such a part of you that it will take your breath away. Last night this happened to me. The book ... Nothing but Ghosts by Beth Kephart.

It involves a mystery and young love, but mostly it spoke to me, personally, as a story about a young girl learning to live with the loss of her mother. I say personally because with every page, I became Katie, and she, me. No matter that I am 49 and she is 16. No matter that Katie's loss is recent while mine happened almost 17 years ago. Katie's words were mine the day I lost my own mother to cancer and at times still are.

Reading my borrowed copy from the library, I found myself breaking my #1 rule. I couldn't help myself. I have so many pages "dog-earred", it will take me quite awhile to copy into my book journal the lines that for me just had to be recorded. There were so many words, and I was afraid I would lose them if I didn't mark them in some way, right as I read them. And I couldn't lose the very things that made me feel as if someone understood...understood the darkness in losing the very center of your life to something so hideous and sinister and yet also understood the light that begins to shine little by little.

There is so much good in this book. So much for young and older readers.

The language is pure poetry and touches in unexpected ways.

I am writing this post as a way to thank the author, Beth Kephart. Thank you for such beautiful prose, prose that speaks directly to the heart. Thank you for sharing this book with others, like myself, young and old. But mostly, thank you for understanding.

I end this post with a quote from the book:

"Things disappear and vanish. That's the fact. Before you're ready for them to go, they go, and after that all you can do is keep the idea of them bright inside yourself."

it's been awhile

It was a dark and stormy night ... oh wait that is someone else's story ... well, for me it's been kind of a dark and stormy family season... hence the absence from the blog.

Lately though, I have had a pulling to be here in this place again and since this blog is really about recording our lives and telling all about "what happened in between", I thought I had best get busy posting again and the heck with the "storminess". I'll post around, under, over, and beside it ;)

a little education hooptedoodle

Looks like our homeschooling journey included a little detour of public schooling for all of one semester. We will be oficially withdrawing Josh tomorrow and then have ten days to make it legal and official... sooo, you'll be able to call us homeschoolers yet once again ;)

more of "life" happening in between

The photo above is of my youngest, Joshua, who is 14 (soon to be 15). It was taken during the Obama campaign rally here in Vegas before the election. Joshua was homeschooled through 8th grade and is currently a freshman at a local high school. The freshman "enjoying" his year that I spoke of in one of my first posts here. Seems that is not the case. It also seems things will be changing next year.

Here in Nevada the Education budget has been slashed and slashed yet again. As a result, his school is losing their block scheduling and moving back to a six subject day. They are also losing 17+ teachers. With the six subject day the number of electives you can take has been reduced. Josh would not be able to take any extra electives next year as his foreign language already counts as an elective and yet is a required subject for sophomores, as they need at least two years of a foreign language to graduate.

All this is background really to a talk I have been having with myself since last week and one my husband and I have been having together. My talk to myself tends to be filled with questioning of my capablities to "homeschool" Joshua's high school years. My daughter graduated last year from the school Joshua attends and was able to take six AP courses. Because of those classes and their amazing teachers, she started college this year a semester ahead. This was one of the bgigest reasons I had for having Joshua attend school. I worried that I was not qualified to teach such classes to him and as a mature young man, advanced beyond his mom in thinking and intellectual skills, I felt he needed more than I thought I had to offer him.

Going through his papers yet again yesterday, I realized that at least through this year I could have done as well, if not better, than what the school has done for him! I am not impressed by far with what he is learning and how he is learning it.

There have been a couple incidents also which have proven to be situations to navigate through with a young man that has a very sensitive heart and soul. I have some people offer, that these experiences are a part of "getting tough", to "be able to make it out in the world". I do not agree with this.

So here I sit, researching and contemplating what to do about all of this. I will continue to do so but I do know one thing for sure, he will be returning home for the rest of his high school years and I will find a way to educate him during this journey... at home.

grown up hiding places

I am currently re-reading my favorite novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, for the umpteenth time. Yesterday I came across this line from Scout (who is my favorite character of the novel) and had to smile.

"...Grown folks don't have hidin' places..."

Ah... you're wrong there Scout. This "grown up" lady has more than one ;)

finding the words

It is not often that you find a writer that touches your soul. Jenny of She Sells Seashells does just this each and every time I visit her blog. Her words reach deep and affect me in ways that linger for days.

I am grateful for this small world created by modern technology if only because it has allowed me to "hear" things I would not have been able to had it not existed.

And I am grateful for writers, like Jenny, who are brave enough to speak out loud those words.

* The picture in this post is of my mom taken about a month before she died after fighting a three year battle with ovarian cancer they said should have only lasted 18 months. She never lost that smile no matter where she was in that journey. Jenny, in writing of her own mother, brings my mom back to me. And for that I am forever grateful to her.

my heart melted

.... when I heard this song.

As the mom of boys that are now 24 and 14 (and this one is my baby), this line said it all for me...

"...And when the years are going by too fast..."

You can find the full lyrics here.

Warning though... have the tissues ready.

hooptedoodle

"...Sometimes I want a book to break loose with a bunch of hooptedoodle. The guy's writing it, give him a chance to do a little hooptedoodle. Spin up some pretty words maybe, or sing a little song with language. That's nice. But I wish it was set aside so I don't have to read it. I don't want hooptedoodle to get mixed up in the story. So if the guy that's writing it wants hooptedoodle, he ought to put it right at first. Then I can skip it if I want to, or maybe go back to it after I know how the story come out."

This is Mack speaking. Mack is a favorite character of mine from John Steinbeck's novel, Sweet Thursday, one of my all-time favorite novels. Sweet Thursday is the sequel to Steinbeck's more famous, Cannery Row.

This post is my first "hooptedoodle". A little explanation of this, my uhmmm let's see... 4th ? blog, I think ;) My last two blogs, Life's Daily Avenue and Book of Days were mostly concerned with a major part of my life at that time, homeschooling my youngest son.

This blog's title, what happened in between, is taken from the first chapter title of Sweet Thursday and as my first, short but sweet post inferred, well.... Life happened. Big changes along with small changes. One of the biggest was my homeschooled son is no longer at home but is enjoying his freshman year of high school in the same high school his sister graduated from last year. And mom? Well, she is taking a hiatus for just a bit.

This hiatus has included much knitting, sewing, and crafting in general. It has also included reading for myself, both for pleasure and for knowledge. Regular chores, cleaning, and grocery shopping etc are still part of all this too, as well as all the myriad of things associated with having my last child in school now. Oh yeah, and I couldn't forget, it has included "enduring hot flashes" as my 6 word bio states, and too, dealing with having a freshman in college as well as high school. A freshman who spent her first semester at college in Ohio but has now transferred to a college much closer to back here at home. Mom is happy having her closer , even with all the chaos of getting her there and then back home again ;)

I hope you'll come along with me as I record parts of my "new" life and fill you in on what happens in between.

Life happened...

in between